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Catman (id: 439587607220060161)
04 May 2020 13:36
QRF needed flashes upon my screen. I stand up already in full kit since Rhode Island started enforcing border check points 2 months ago. The Constitution shall once again reign I think excitingly grabbing my custom-built rifle that cost me mere $500 the poverty pony being just as good. The sudden movement of the bolt results in a negligent discharge detonating a piss jug next to my computer covering me and my plate in 3-month-old urine because piss jugs are my last line of defense. The need to be self reliant has moved away from lines of booger sugar to shot gunning 3 Bangs knowing anything domestically produced is better than imports. I hop in my 2005 Subaru WRX that hasn’t had an inspection since the previous owner August 5, 2017 with a $48 dollar turbo off eBay added giving the car 60psi resulting in a beautiful whine out the straight piped exhaust because The Constitution doesn’t apply to cars. The detonation upon starting the car as the stock engine hurls into orbit leading to a squad of F-35s being to investigate the missile fired on American soil removes the smell of not showering after 2 months of being in full kit. With nearly a gram of caffeine now pumping through my veins I decide to respond to the QRF via bicycle meaning I must shotgun 2 additional Bangs for energy. As time slows, I fail to register the cars I’m biking by aren’t parked on the side of the highway but are being passed by a bicyclist staying at a consistent Mach 2. Finally arriving to the staging area my bike disintegrates as the frame melts into nothing from the effort stopping the supersonic bike. The redcoats upon witnessing the windows of their 2010 Charger Police Package with 3.6L Pentastar engine shatter from the resulting sonic boom shit their pants and leave. Another Constitutional infringement stopped.
We are all exhausted. Already the days are starting to blend into a continuous blur of pain. Patrols are long and hard. The crushing weight of my kit shifts with every step as it wobbles with my stomach. Yesterday we patrolled a whole 2 miles. My socks as I write this today crunch with every step resulting from thoughts of a full auto Ak-47 a dream of the better days to come. There is scarcely water to drink as I write this, even though it is only midday, all we consume are Bangs filling our camel baks. Meals are short and I barely have time to eat the large Domino’s meat lover’s pizza with a side of cheesy bread and a bottle of Coke. The delivery driver Jake knows where to find up each day and throws in the Coke as a loyalty for buying every day for 5 years. Hunger is unescapable in such hard times. My original Rhodesian Brushstroke pants unissued waist size 52 length 32 now have mud stains on the knees a pain that nearly drove me to madness. It resulted from me falling over and being trapped underneath my especially heavy pack I was carrying the all-important TP for the group. Unable to do a push up I remained face down until my pack was cut off in order to free me from the crushing weight. I was reassigned the callsign turtle as an honor of how tough I am. Last night in my bed I rolled over onto what I thought was my body pillow but was instead a piss jug I had been using to avoid getting out of bed to pee. It detonated like a 2005 Subaru WRX engine with 62 psi from a $48 turbo off eBay. I pray this war will end soon so I no longer have to wake up early in the mornings at noon.
The day has come to exercise the 1st Amendment Rights Trump has instructed the governors to suppress. I check Signal feverishly knowing that OPSEC is everything and posts cannot be spread across the internet like my ex’s nudes. Arriving at rally point bravo sierra I see an MRAP with the suspension bottomed out and Ector County Sheriff written on the side. Meeting in designated parking spots I think how insane parking spots for certain groups of people is. A car pulls into the only other handicap spot next to me a 2002 Mustang in matte black with Molon Labe written in sharpie where the license plate is intended be. The sheriff steps from the MRAP propelling the large Coke on the hood into low earth as the suspension raises several feet. Hopping in the Mustang, it tears off, driving in the same manner as my 93 year old grandmother who passed her driving exam via telegraph does trying to figure out which pedal is the break, entering the Free Speech Cage hidden behind walls a mowing down a crowd like fresh spring grass. Emerging from the other side with three 2012 Ford Explorer Police Package hot on our tail we deploy countermeasure. Throwing a piss jug out the window it hits the lead car, which has “Protect and Serve” covered by gore from the crowd it intentionally drove through, with the force of a 2005 Subaru WRX engine with 62 psi from a $48 eBay turbo detonating. Looking on the mainstream media that night I am honored the only picture of the car includes “Biden ONLY wants to smell you”.
Nov 11, 2023
I have fashioned arrowheads out of glass in case I come across any perfectly straight wood sticks and a working bow. My hands were cut badly but that wasn't going to stop me. I had to use a sharp rock because I broke my knife trying to baton a log with it like they do on youtube. The survival kit I bought from wish.com had three bandaids and no antiseptic so I turned to my notes to make herbal wound dressings. All my printed out pintrest infographics on survival were lost to water damage or became blouted with blood. In the end I had to sacrifice the tampon I was saving in case I was shot. I wonder how the instagram survivalists never seemed to run out of waterproof matches. Raccons stole my last frozen chimichanga, I fear the worst has befallen me. I may have to move back in with my parents.
Mother's Day arrived as my favorite holiday. Changing my Tinder profile to include next "Next Mother's Day get woken up by someone that cares about you. I don't pull out. LMAO". I spent all day swiping right trying to find the ideal girl to help restore freedom. None of them seemed impressed by my battle gear and 30 round magazines because fuck Commieformia this is the USA. Finally I hear a knock on my door I knew including my address would let the perfect woman show up at my door. Before I can stand I hear the door kicked in and Ian my mannequin full of tannerite told to drop his weapon. He doesn't as he is the only thing stupider than the tyrants kicking in my door. Ian explodes with the force of a 2005 Subaru WRX engine with 62 psi from a $48 eBay turbo detonating. My house is instantly vaporized as my stockpiled ammunition goes up in flames engulfing a quarter mile radius.
The 2005 WRX rolled out of the garage. All parts had been sourced from the local junk yard where I got my house supplies of premium cum stained car seats at the kitchen table. The zip ties have held together all of the parts perfectly that almost fit together. The $48 eBay turbo let out a shriek like my mom when she found me watching her shower. With no brakes as the revolution stops for those that are not dedicated to the revolution. Upon starting the engines the wheels grinded against the pavement as I could not afford tires. Turning the first corner the aluminum wheels melts trying to make the first corner as the zip ties ignite the oil leak bursting the car into frames. Climbing out through the busted windows we survive the incident as the machine goes up in flames.
I tore open my box the same way I tore apart my body pillow after finding out it was made in China and not Japan. My 80% lower slide into 9 Amazon boxes piled into the corner causing a small avalanche as the ceiling high trash pile was hit by a sideways force burying my Japanese body pillow somewhere under the table. 79 hours and 4 minutes later I reemerge with the 80% lower. The 18V Ryobi drill powers to life as I begin to make my first firearm. I am becoming ungovernable I think pressing the drill into the metal. The metal is flung from my hand as 500 in\lbs of force hitting a special order 20oz Rainbow Unicorn Bang that explodes with the force of a 2005 Subaru WRX engine with 62 psi from a $48 eBay turbo detonating. As look down at my 80% lower I can see the Rainbow Unicorn Bang burning through my lower faster than I burn through lotion watching Olympic swimming.
Lol i love how Hawaiian flower pattern has become like the main pattern of the movement and the shirts are uniform items lol watch someone is gonna make a damn regulation book making the shirts mandatory XD
Ice house reg 1-1 Any morale patches must be appropriate and in good taste not to exceed 3inch in diameter
1-2 all operator Hawaiian shirts must be short sleeved with no undershirt beer bellies must be hidden
@KaiBran proposals for amending reg 1 to include patches up to 3 1/2 in
Reg2 amend to state"beer bellies must be hidden or must be prominently displayed. No attempts may be made to hide the gut. And finally reg 4 amended as followed
1-4 beards are mandatory if you can grow them otherwise knit yourself a fake one. You may also sport the 6+ day growth or clean shaven. Those are the only acceptable variances in facial hair, irrespective of gender
16 May 2020 21:13
1-9 nothing in these regulations shall be construed so as to prevent the wearing of boxers/tighty whiteys and kit only. In fact this is the recommended attire for events that will feature sitting politicians
2-3 at no time will anyone be allowed more than 15 mins with any one farm animals. And a minimum of 5 days must pass between last "servicing" and butchering for eating. This ensures no cross contamination and good hygiene
16 May 2020 22:23
2-5 the repeated violation of dress and uniform regulations shall result in more severe punishment that most heinous possible fate, which shall be the forced relocation to suburban neighborhood and forced participation in pta meeting, hoa meetings and the limited access to any form of entertainment not deemed "normies fun" the option of suicide by porcupine shall be offered
Due to a recent spell of my thoughts being more scattered than Hillary's emails I will be temporarily retiring the Hawaiian Helot writing portion. Still needing to fill my free time with something other than relentless sobbing leading me to die of dehydration I will start the new chapter for the Cul-De-Sak Commando. I wrote this without my glasses so any spelling errors are not my fault. Not wearing glasses also meant I heard no splash when peeing and will probably be cleaning the bathroom the tomorrow.